September 22, 2026
Host
Have you ever met someone who promised you the moon, the stars, and a beach house in Malibu—but couldn't even remember to call you back on a Tuesday? Welcome to the wild world of future faking, where the future is always bright, but the present is a dumpster fire. I'm Shannon Alder, life coach and author of the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Bible, and today we're diving into the ten signs that someone is selling you a fantasy instead of building a real relationship. Joining me is Caleb Hayes, a sophomore majoring in Bible studies, who's helping out while we search for a permanent co-host. Caleb, welcome!
Guest
Thanks, Shannon! I'm excited to be here. And you know, as someone studying Scripture, I see so many parallels between future faking and what the Bible warns about false promises. It's like the enemy's favorite trick—get you hooked on a vision so you ignore the reality.
Host
Exactly! And that's what we're unpacking today. The content we're discussing comes from an article that breaks down ten signs of future faking, and it's packed with wisdom and some pretty sharp biblical insights. So, let's start with the first sign: they design your entire future before learning your middle name. Caleb, what's your take on that from a spiritual perspective?
Guest
Well, Proverbs 19:2 says, 'Desire without knowledge is not good.' And that's exactly it—someone who rushes into planning a future without truly knowing you is operating on desire, not wisdom. It's like building a house on sand. You can't have a solid foundation if you don't know the person you're building with. And from a Christian view, love is patient. First Corinthians 13 says love is patient and kind, not rushing ahead of wisdom. So if someone is sprinting toward a future before they've even walked through the present with you, that's a red flag.
Host
Right, and it feels romantic at first, like, 'Oh, they know what they want!' But healthy intimacy takes time. You can't know someone is your perfect partner before you've seen them handle conflict, money, or assembling furniture with instructions in six languages. That last one is a true test of character, by the way. I've seen so many clients get swept up in the fantasy of a whirlwind romance, only to realize later that they didn't even know the person's core values or how they handle stress.
Guest
Ha! Absolutely. And it's not just about knowing facts; it's about seeing fruit over time. Jesus said, 'You shall know them by their fruits.' Not by their five-year relationship plan or their inspirational text messages. So if someone is promising you a future before they've even earned your trust in the present, that's a major warning sign.
Host
Sign number two: their promises get bigger whenever you're ready to leave. This is the classic 'emergency relationship defibrillator.' You say you're done, and suddenly they've had a revelation that rivals the road to Damascus. Caleb, you're studying to be a pastor—what does real repentance look like?
Guest
John the Baptist said, 'Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.' That means changed behavior, not just dramatic speeches. If someone only changes when you're halfway out the door, that's not transformation; that's manipulation. It's like a fire alarm that only goes off when the house is already burning down. Real repentance is consistent, not crisis-driven. And it's not about making promises; it's about demonstrating change over time.
Host
Ooh, good analogy. And sign three: they offer details but never create a plan. They can describe the wedding down to the napkin color, but they can't give you a realistic engagement timeline. They want to buy a house but haven't paid last month's electric bill. It's all sizzle, no steak. I always tell my clients to ask practical questions: What's the first step? When will it happen? What are we doing now to make it possible? If those questions cause outrage or another romantic monologue, you've got your answer.
Guest
And Jesus said, 'Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.' Integrity means your words match your actions. If someone's promises are all glitter and no follow-through, that's a problem. Ecclesiastes 5:5 says it's better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. So empty promises are actually worse than no promises at all. It's like a contractor who gives you a beautiful blueprint but never shows up to build.
Host
Sign four: tomorrow is always wonderful, but today is consistently painful. They promise everything will improve after the wedding, after the move, after the baby, after Mercury stops doing whatever Mercury is allegedly doing. But meanwhile, today is full of dishonesty, criticism, or neglect. Caleb, how do you counsel someone stuck in that cycle?
Guest
Luke 16:10 says, 'Whoever is faithful with little can also be trusted with much.' So if someone can't handle the small things today—like showing up, telling the truth, being kind—they won't magically become trustworthy tomorrow. Marriage doesn't cure selfishness; a new house doesn't create empathy. You have to look at the fruit of today, not the fantasy of tomorrow. And I'd add that waiting for a future event to fix a relationship is like waiting for a bus that never comes.
Host
Sign five: their promises require more sacrifice from you than from them. You're asked to move, wait, lend money, overlook betrayal—and their contribution is just a promise. It's a one-person endurance contest, and you're the only one running. I've seen this so often in narcissistic relationships: the victim gives up everything while the narcissist gives up nothing but words.
Guest
Philippians 2:4 says to consider the interests of others, not to have one person sacrifice everything while the other does nothing. That's not love; that's exploitation. And it's a common tactic in narcissistic abuse—keep you invested so you feel like you can't leave because you've already given so much. It's like a gambler who keeps doubling down on a losing bet because they've already lost so much.
Host
But Caleb, here's a challenge for you: isn't there a risk of becoming too cynical? Some people genuinely do change, and sometimes love requires patience and sacrifice. How do you balance discernment with grace?
Guest
That's a fair question, Shannon. And I think the key is evidence. Grace doesn't mean ignoring patterns; it means offering forgiveness while also setting boundaries. Jesus was full of grace and truth. He didn't pretend that sin wasn't sin, but He also offered redemption. So we can hope for change, but we can't build a life on hope alone. We need to see consistent fruit over time. If someone is truly repentant, their actions will show it, not just their words.
Host
That's a great point. Sign six: they get angry when you remember what they promised. You gently ask, 'Hey, did you schedule that counseling appointment?' and suddenly you're the bad guy for pressuring them. Apparently, remembering their exact words is emotional aggression.
Guest
That's gaslighting, plain and simple. And it's the opposite of what Jesus taught. He said let your yes be yes—meaning your word should be reliable. If someone attacks you for expecting consistency, that's a huge red flag. A sincere person would say, 'I messed up, and I'm sorry.' A manipulator says, 'How dare you hold me accountable?' It's a way of shifting blame and making you feel crazy for having a memory.
Host
Sign seven: they use God to make the fantasy sound official. 'God told me you're my spouse,' 'The enemy is attacking our relationship,' 'You need to have faith in the future God showed me.' Caleb, as a Bible student, how do you respond to that?
Guest
First John 4:1 says, 'Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits.' You are allowed to examine character, seek wise counsel, and say no. God doesn't need manipulation to accomplish His will. If someone is using God's name to silence your discernment, that's spiritual abuse. And it's one of the most damaging forms of future faking because it makes you feel like leaving is a sin. But God gave you a brain and a conscience for a reason. You don't have to accept every 'prophecy' that comes your way.
Host
Sign eight: every broken promise is replaced with a more exciting one. They didn't take you on that weekend trip, but now they're planning a two-week cruise. They forgot your birthday, but next year it's Paris. Each unfulfilled promise gets buried under a bigger one.
Guest
Ecclesiastes 5:5 again—better not to vow than to vow and not fulfill. God values faithfulness over impressive declarations. It's like a Ponzi scheme of promises: you keep investing hope, but the returns never come. And eventually, the whole thing collapses. The bigger the promise, the bigger the letdown when it doesn't happen.
Host
Sign nine: you're in love with who they're 'going to become.' You say, 'He'll be wonderful once he heals,' or 'She has so much potential.' But potential doesn't apologize, arrive on time, or help with the dishes. Caleb, how do you balance compassion with wisdom here?
Guest
Proverbs 4:23 says, 'Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.' Guarding your heart isn't cruel; it's stewardship. You can have compassion for someone's struggles, but you can't build a relationship on potential. You have to make decisions based on who they repeatedly choose to be, not who you hope they'll become. It's like buying a car based on the salesman's description instead of the actual vehicle in front of you.
Host
And sign ten: the future disappears as soon as they get what they want. Once you reconcile, move in, lend money, or recommit, their enthusiasm evaporates. The counseling appointment is never made, the engagement talk becomes 'too much pressure,' and the dream home quietly vanishes.
Guest
That's the ultimate reveal. The promised future was just a tool to regain access to you. And love, as First Corinthians 13 says, rejoices with the truth. It doesn't need an imaginary future to conceal an unhealthy present. So if the only thing growing is another promise, you're allowed to put down the watering can.
Host
Now, the article includes a powerful story about Rachel and Adam. Rachel dated Adam for three years, and he kept describing an engagement ring—oval, hidden halo, delicate gold band—but never actually bought it or proposed. Whenever she asked for a timeline, he'd add another detail and accuse her of ruining the surprise. Finally, she ended it, and he claimed he was going to propose the next weekend. Classic.
Guest
That story is so relatable. And it shows the pattern: beautiful promises, no action, and then blame-shifting when you ask for accountability. Rachel did the right thing—she looked at the fruit, not the fantasy. And walking away hurt, but she realized she wasn't losing a shared future; she was releasing a fantasy that kept her from seeing the present. It's like waking up from a dream and realizing the dream was never real.
Host
So, Caleb, what's your final word for someone who suspects they're being future faked? What should they do?
Guest
First, stop debating the fantasy and examine the pattern. Ask yourself: What has this person consistently done? Do their actions match their words? Can I ask reasonable questions without being punished? Do their promises lead to measurable steps? And most importantly, am I staying because of present love or future hope? Seek counsel from a qualified therapist, pastor, or mature Christian who understands emotional abuse. And remember, forgiveness doesn't require unlimited access. You can forgive someone and still set boundaries.
Host
That's so important. And as a life coach, I always tell my clients: you don't need to determine whether every broken promise was intentionally deceptive. You just need enough honesty to recognize that repeated promises without action can't provide a safe foundation. The future is built through ordinary choices today. Pay attention to the fruit.
Guest
Amen. And if you're listening and this resonated with you, we'd love for you to join our community. Subscribe to the Toxic Podcast channel on YouTube to help us grow, and visit shannonalder.com for more resources. Shannon's next book is coming out in July 2027, so stay tuned for that. And if you're on Facebook, join Staying Positive University for daily encouragement and support.
Host
Thank you, Caleb. And thank you all for listening. Remember, you deserve a relationship built on truth, not just beautiful promises. Until next time, take care of your heart, and don't be afraid to put down the watering can when the only thing growing is another promise. Goodbye, everyone.